My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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