you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
