"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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