woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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