I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
