I cockslap morals
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
