wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize