I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
