he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
