$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
