is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
