I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
