Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Two words: nipple clamps
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