Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
