The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
