Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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