this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
