You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
