I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
