My underwear smells like fireworks.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
