i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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