It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
