Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
