I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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