I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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