"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
