i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
