Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
