Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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