I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
