Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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