Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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