words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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