): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
