Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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