Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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