Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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