Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
