so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
