after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
