I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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