Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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