you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
