yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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