last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize