I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize