you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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