we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
