your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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