you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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