you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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