So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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