im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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