3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
