I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
