You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize