and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
