Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
