with your own penis?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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