the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
