she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize