I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
