hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
