In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
