i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize