Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
