The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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