Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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