she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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