My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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